The View Inside My Head

"Follow Me and I will make you fishers of men." I grew up hearing those words as something Jesus said to the disciples . I never thought He was calling me to be a fisher. After all, I don't particularly like fishing. But my faith isn't only a faith that makes me happy. Or, at least my initial revulsion at something - like this command - is an indication that my own stuff is getting in the way of following. Because Jesus promises me joy in the end . From The Vulnerable Way (sermon) the other week, I remember it was for the joy set before Him that He endured the cross. This promise that the last thing will be the best thing - it's hard to remember in the midst of pain and struggle. And what if the whole "fishers of men" bit is about giving me a higher calling than the job I do? Might He say instead to me, since web accessibility is my primary focus at work, "You can make my Kingdom accessible to all people. Leave behind the wor...

"Repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand." It is God's cry through the prophets throughout the Old Testament - "Repent! Turn back to Me." This is different - "Repent! I have come close to you." In the light of all Jesus did, all He said when he took on flesh, how can I respond with anything but what He asks? Repent - turn away from. Replace the things that draw my attention with the wholly attractive and all consuming face of God mad flesh. What would it look like if I replaced all the time I spend on my phone with contemplation of the One who loves me? How would I manifest the love of God in new ways when I know it so much better because it consumes my random thought? All things but Jesus in moderation. Repentance in full measure because God has come near to me and calls me away from a life wasted on inconsequential things.

I have known the Bible well for a very long time now. Recently, I've become convinced that I need to return to it again, but with a new focus: What does Jesus tell me to do? I'm not throwing away the words of Peter or Paul or Moses. I am turning towards the One who taught them, made them His disciples and prophets, the source of holiness and a radical way of living. How do His words instruct and protect me? How is my life transformed when my behavior matches how He tells me to live? What questions do I have? And, most important, how do I respond to what I hear? These posts are not meant to be Inspired Teaching for you. They are the reflections of my heart as it listens to and responds to God. You'll notice along the way that how I approach this time has grown and changed. I started just to record what I heard and knew about a particular command and now each command includes a prayer at the end. I can no longer know without responding and changing. I am working my wa...

A couple years ago now I read a book called Prodigal God by Tim Keller and it changed my thinking profoundly.  The premise of the book is that it is God who is the prodigal (recklessly spendthrift) in the story we called The Prodigal Son.  He wants relationship with each of his sons and they both follow their own agendas instead. He spends much less time on the one we typically focus on - the one who wandered away.  He spends most of his time talking about the elder brother and how he tries to do what the father wants - but only as far as following the rules not having a relationship.  As I read, I realized this is exactly the trap I lived in all my life. In this journey, though, I’ve come to understand a few things about this phenomenon in my life.  While talking to my friend, the social worker attached to the Oncology unit in Salem, I found myself talking in terms of “if I do X, Y must surely follow.”  So, for instance, “If I do what my nurses and ...

One of the authors I follow on Facebook recently posted a link to one of her friend’s blog posts.  It caught my attention since she introduced it by saying, “ Ever feel like your pain isn't worth mentioning because someone else has it far worse?”  I have experienced that recently far more than I can say so I headed over to read the post (linked here ). The post is about two things - keeping secrets and the damage that does to us (that’s a whole other thing to write about) and feeling unworthy because my pain is less than another’s. Here’s the heart of my instinctive reaction to the idea of comparing pain that I posted in the comments: “I’ve had this really miserable cold for 5 weeks,” they say in a mournful tone. Then hastily backing up, “But it’s nothing compared to what you’re going through!” My response is always that there is no comparison in pain or trauma. My bad is bad to me. Your bad is bad to you. And who’s to say whose bad is worse? Certainly not me! Pai...

I have a rule that I fully intend to enforce with my kids before they get married.  Ask Vince.  He's heard it often enough!  The rule is this:  "Before you can get married, you have to tell me three things you don't like about the person you want to marry and the things that you love so much about them that you're willing to put up with the bad stuff."  And really, instead of "don't like" you might substitute "can't stand" or "hate" more effectively. When I walked into marriage, I had some pretty twisted views of me, of my hubby, and of marriage in general. I really and truly believed that things would magically be wonderful when we got married.  You know, like suddenly I would be the person Rick really wanted me to be.  I would be a cleanie.  Love would cover a multitude of shortcomings and issues and communication problems.  Unsurprisingly, the reality has been very different. Marriage has been difficult and fraught with...

I joked on Facebook on my birthday that, since I’m 42 this year, people might want to ask about what the ultimate answer is. I’d been scheming about saying that for a long time. What I didn’t realize is that I’d also been mulling over the answer itself this whole time as well. I don’t remember exactly when my answer coalesced for me. I do know that I’ve looked at the world through this lens ever since and haven’t found a time when it wasn’t true. Sometimes there’s more to life these three things, but they’ve always proven true. In mind these three things form a triangle, or the legs of a stool. Without one of them, the other two are true, but not as strong. And if two of them come quickly to me in a situation, I look for the third to be present as well. I’m not disappointed. First of these three things is “It’s ALL about God.” And by that I don’t mean what I’ve usually heard – that God is the author of all things and we owe Him our praise. That is true. But for me it go...