The View Inside My Head

A couple years ago now I read a book called Prodigal God by Tim Keller and it changed my thinking profoundly.  The premise of the book is that it is God who is the prodigal (recklessly spendthrift) in the story we called The Prodigal Son.  He wants relationship with each of his sons and they both follow their own agendas instead. He spends much less time on the one we typically focus on - the one who wandered away.  He spends most of his time talking about the elder brother and how he tries to do what the father wants - but only as far as following the rules not having a relationship.  As I read, I realized this is exactly the trap I lived in all my life. In this journey, though, I’ve come to understand a few things about this phenomenon in my life.  While talking to my friend, the social worker attached to the Oncology unit in Salem, I found myself talking in terms of “if I do X, Y must surely follow.”  So, for instance, “If I do what my nurses and doctors tell me to do, I will

One of the authors I follow on Facebook recently posted a link to one of her friend’s blog posts.  It caught my attention since she introduced it by saying, “ Ever feel like your pain isn't worth mentioning because someone else has it far worse?”  I have experienced that recently far more than I can say so I headed over to read the post (linked here ). The post is about two things - keeping secrets and the damage that does to us (that’s a whole other thing to write about) and feeling unworthy because my pain is less than another’s. Here’s the heart of my instinctive reaction to the idea of comparing pain that I posted in the comments: “I’ve had this really miserable cold for 5 weeks,” they say in a mournful tone. Then hastily backing up, “But it’s nothing compared to what you’re going through!” My response is always that there is no comparison in pain or trauma. My bad is bad to me. Your bad is bad to you. And who’s to say whose bad is worse? Certainly not me! Pain can